You young whipper snappers...

You know, I'm really getting tired of the generation of kids today who think they're on to something new with their cutesy abbreviated asynchronous stateless communication methods.

Yes, I am talking about you.

The one with the cell phone tapping out messages in T9 text.

You didn't really think you invented the (or any variation of the) "emoticon", did you?

Maybe you think you are something big because of news stories about how you communicate?

Well, you're not. I have half a mind to beat you over the head with this here 300 baud modem...

You see, back before you were born, even before most of your parents were even able to have a chance at getting laid, we were inventing this stuff.

No, we didn't have computers in our pockets. Back in those days, our computers sat on top of desks, or took up whole cabinets. And our screens were these huge things called CRT's, only we usually called them monitors since there was only one kind. And instead of the internet, we had modems and phone hookups.

We did have that in common, I suppose.. the phone. We weren't limited by tiny keyboards and tiny screens, and we weren't mobile and in a hurry all the time. But we did have to deal with our modems, which were slow. They were measured in 'baud' which came in quantities as small as a few hundred. It took quite a few of them to encode a single letter. It was so slow that most people could read it as fast or faster than it came in.

So we invented abbreviations. We invented "smilies" to denote general disposition... happy, sad, angry, etc. These are the things you call "emoticons" today. We didn't even have icons on our computers at the time. Just text. Sometimes in just one color. Yeah! I know, its hard to imagine.

I remember at the time some people even thinking that we were going to be somehow all emotionally and socially stunted or at least totally disconnected from the rest of society. Granted some of us were (are). But that's no different than the dumb football jock that never grows up and never learns how to be socialy acceptable outside of a group of beer bonging idiots (and I am sure this is the exception among people in sports, as is the uber-nerd that can't get laid to save his life).

But here we are, all grown up. Some of us are billionaires (can you say Bill Gates or Steve Jobs?). Some of us are just relatively normalish folk with normal kids and lives.

So you young whipper snappers out there... don't be so full of yourselves. And don't worry about the old folks who worry about you rotting your brains with texting and mobile video watching. Sure, you are probably letting your brains lay fallow while you f*ck around with technology. But eventualy, out of that, a few of you are going to get your shit together and actually invent something that your kids will take to some extreme level which will cause you to wonder if your kids are going to turn out ok.

Ah, sweet, sweet payback... I can't wait.